Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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