My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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