I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
