you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just high enough for therapy.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
