I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
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I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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