So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
