your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
