well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
