1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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