i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
