I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
