This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
