I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
