She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
