My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
