I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Did I show you my penis last night?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
