STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm at about main and main street
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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