Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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