what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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