i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
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I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
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I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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