i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
