dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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