I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
