So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
