i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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