we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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