I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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