He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize