I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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