I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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