So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
