her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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