i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
