I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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