people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You took a bar mat shot.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
