ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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