...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
