Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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