and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
