your thong is hanging out like whoa
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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