i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i love accidental penises.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,