Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.