I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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