thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"