Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church