put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
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I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
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Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?