When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND