I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos