I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
