Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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