went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
