I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I deserve this hangover.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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