I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
