Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
