I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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