He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
