i may or may not be watching the land before time
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
