i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
