I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
