Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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