Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
