you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
