I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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