she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
two words: eviction party
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
