I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
