a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
