Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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