I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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