Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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