Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
