i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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