i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it's great music for shaving your balls
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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