Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
