NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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