I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
