If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
