Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
