he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
