She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
