I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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