my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
