I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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