Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
