yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
