Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
