I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
