life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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