I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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