I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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