i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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