I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
