I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
