Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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